all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
