I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
