Buhtt sex?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
