I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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