Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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