shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
