they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
