That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize