i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
