worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
