if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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