Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
