Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
