Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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