Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
