What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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