I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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