his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
