can we get nightvision for the apartment?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
