I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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