If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
