Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
