my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
