I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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