I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
