Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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