My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize