Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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