There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
