just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
