omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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