i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
no, he came in my armpit
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
