Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
