the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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