who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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