Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
