Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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