Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
