if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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