Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
