the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
