i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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