Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
