She is in my trunk
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
