Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
