Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
