You work out of a Hotel?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
