the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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