my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
