Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
