I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize