ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
