rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i drank out of a bidet.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
