how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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