I wish I could punch you in the face.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
