wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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