I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
