no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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