Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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