3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
