So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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