i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
