U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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