My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
