dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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