are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
